


and if the heart wants it...

by minkit



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complete, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, accurate ages (sunoo is 16/17 & niki is 14), brief mentions of dying, heart related medical issues, hospital fic, incorrect medical procedures because idk them irl, very light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minkit/pseuds/minkit
Summary: Niki didn't expect visiting his cousin in the children's ward of the hospital would result in meeting the most important person in his life.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo/Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki
Comments: 29
Kudos: 242





	and if the heart wants it...

**Author's Note:**

> Two things:
> 
> 1) IDK Sunoo's sister's name IRL and I don't need to know, so I just gave her a random one.
> 
> 2) slightly spoilery, but by the time I got to a certain part of the story, I realized that in order to tell my story how I wanted to tell it, actual real life medical procedure for heart transplants just does not work for this. I AM aware. I don't care. I've decided to ignore reality in favor of fiction so just pretend this is an alternate universes where they can actually schedule heart transplants weeks in advance or smth adhsfhf
> 
> And one final thing!! I hope you enjoy :) if you're interested in my twitter (which is a mix of fandoms), my @ is minkit578 currently

Niki felt somewhat guilty for not really wanting to be here. It’s not that he didn’t care about his cousin, but it was just that the hospital was a depressing place that made him want to curl in on himself and disappear. He had enough of that on a regular day to day basis, and the hospital’s aura just added to that. 

So he stood off to the side as he watched his aunt and uncle interacting with their kid. He had no choice but to go. They wouldn’t let him stay at home by himself, and if he even suggested that, they would ask, “Don’t you want to see your cousin?” And Niki would have no choice but to swallow the ‘no’ on the tip of his tongue and follow them out to the car. 

But he really wishes he could be anywhere else right now. Preferably in the studio at his arts school (the one he was on scholarship to here in Korea, the reason why he was living with his aunt and uncle in a foreign country), music blasting in his ears and just letting his body move naturally to the beat that played. 

He jiggled his leg, tapping his foot against the ground as he disappeared further into his hoodie. There were too many people surrounding him. He didn’t like it.

“Are you okay?” A voice asks from above him and Niki looks up from the small chair he had crammed himself down into. His growth spurt was starting to hit him, and he was fairly tall already for a fourteen year old. The child sized chair didn’t really do him any favors.

When he did look up, Niki felt his breath catch. He wondered if maybe he hadn’t fainted and was waking up to an angel in front of him, one with smooth, light skin and dark hair that matched their eyes that twinkled like stars in concern. But then Niki realized that it was just a boy standing in front of him, one dressed in the garments that belonged to the children of the hospital.

He was a patient. 

“U-uh… I’m fine.” he replied, but even to his own ears his voice sounded slightly unsure. The boy frowned and tilted his head, but before Niki even realized it, the boy had sat himself on a small chair next to him and grasped at his hands, a bright smile taking the place of the frown that had befallen him. “Huh?” 

Niki was taken aback by the sudden holding of his hands. A part of him was tempted to pull away, a little freaked out by the overly friendly attitude of this stranger, but he found himself once again lost in those sparkling eyes. 

“Are you visiting someone? Is Kihyun your brother?” The strange boy asked and it took Niki a moment to realize that he was talking about Niki’s cousin.

“No, he’s my cousin.” Niki mumbled, glancing down at their hands that were locked over Niki’s lap.

“Oh,” the patient let go of his hands and pressed them into his own knees, sending Niki a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I have a habit of grabbing people’s hands in here because most of the kids here are younger than me--they’re quite touchy. I seemed to have adopted the habit.”

Niki wanted to say that it was okay, but truthfully he was at a loss for words. Not knowing what to say or how to react, he merely shrugged, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down over his palms, even though he felt quite warm now. 

“I’m Sunoo. What is your name?” The boy (though Niki wasn’t quite sure whether he was older, younger, or about the same age as his own) told him. Sunoo, Niki supposed. It was a warm name; just as warm as his disposition. 

“Ah… Niki.” He felt lucky that he could keep up with the Korean so far, but he spoke slowly, even though it was just his name.

“Your name and accent…” Sunoo slowly looked down over him before meeting his gaze once more and smiling, his nose scrunching somewhat as he did. “You’re not Korean are you? Japanese?” Niki slowly nods and Sunoo beams, bowing his head. “Konnichiwa!” He exclaimed loudly enough that a few of the others in the room turned their heads for a brief moment. Niki felt his face warm. “Ah--sorry, that’s all I know.” 

“It’s okay.” He murmurs, holding his arms to his stomach.

“How old are you Niki? I’m sixteen. My birthday is June 24th, 2003. I’m a Cancer, I have blood type O, and my MBTI is ENFP.” Sunoo listed off, holding out a finger for each thing he said. “How about you?”

“Uh--” Niki blinked, looking over towards his aunt and uncle who didn’t seem to be in much of a rush to go. He couldn’t blame them. Who would want to leave their kid. “I’m fourteen… I was born December 9th, 2005. I guess that makes me a Saggitarius? And I’m blood type B. I don’t know what an MBTI thing is.” 

“Oh its a quiz!” Sunoo exclaimed, sounding excited to get to explain it. “It’s a very in-depth quiz to tell you all about your personality!” Niki wonders why someone would need a quiz to tell them about their own personality, but he decides not to ask. “You should totally go home and take it, Niki, and next time you come back, you can tell me what type you are, okay?” He smiles again, his eyes disappearing into crescents as he holds his fingers up into an ‘ok’ sign.

Niki doesn’t know why, but a part of him knows he’s going to go straight home and take that quiz. 

“So, I guess that would make me your hyung.” Sunoo seems to almost giggle and then he sighs, looking around himself. “I seem to be hyung for most of the kids here. Very few are older than me or my age, but there are some. They don’t like to come in here though because most of the younger kids hang out in here since all the games are for children. But I think it’s nice. Plus, I’m good with kids. I’m not so good with people my age.” Sunoo says lightly, his breath heaving a deep sigh.

Niki is trying to take all of this in, turning the Korean words over in his head slowly to make sure he’s understanding it all correctly. “So you… are a patient?” Niki finds himself asking. Sunoo looks up at him and gives a small nod.

“For awhile now.” Sunoo’s voice sounds almost distant, not at all like the brightness that he’d held just moments before, but as soon as the difference in voice came, he switched right back, adopting the cheeriness once more. Niki found it almost… infectious. “But that’s not all that important. So Kihyun is your cousin, huh? Where are your parents? Are they here too?” Sunoo starts peering around as if he could spot them.

“No. They live in Japan.” Sunoo turns his head to look back towards him as he speaks. Niki tugs on the sleeve of his hoodie. “I’m living with my aunt and uncle while I’m at school here.” 

“Oh? Where do you go to school? Perhaps I know it.”

“I go to Hanlim.” 

Sunoo gasped, straightening up as his jaw dropped almost dramatically. On anyone else, Niki would think that it was a fake reaction, but something about the way Sunoo held himself told Niki that it wasn’t fake at all--it was just how Sunoo was.

“Hanlim? That’s amazing! Are you aiming to be an idol?”

At the compliment, Niki could feel his cheeks warm. He cleared his throat to try and brush it off. “My parents said if I do well at Hanlim and I end this first year there at the top of my class… then I can start auditioning next year.”

“Oh, Niki!” Sunoo exclaimed, jolting forward to grab hold of Niki’s hands once more. It was so sudden that Niki felt himself get a little dizzy, almost falling off the small stool. “That’s amazing!” Sunoo gave a dreamy sigh and then all of a sudden his shoulders deflated and a small, sad smile appeared on his face. “As a kid I wanted to be on television. I had always planned to practice singing and audition, but…” he looks down at the drab hospital pajama set that he wore, along with most of the other kids in the room, except for those that were visitors. “I suppose it wasn’t meant to be.

Niki felt a slight ache appear in his chest. It was so strange. He didn’t even know this kid, this hyung, but he felt himself feeling pain for him, pain for a dream that he had never gotten to fulfill. Niki couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong… was it rude to ask?

“Wh-what exactly…” his voice trailed off before he could finish and Sunoo looked up, a knowing expression upon his face.

“Is wrong with me?” Sunoo finished and then sat back in the chair. “You don’t have to feel bad about asking. It’s natural to be curious, isn’t it?” Sunoo looked off into the distance for a moment before another smile grew on his face and he shook his head. “It’s nothing too serious. It’s just an illness. It’s too difficult for my parents to give me all the care I need while also needing to work, so I’m here for awhile. Just until I get better. That could be awhile.” Sunoo added on, his voice sounding a little strained as he did, but his smile didn’t let on what his voice did. “But I will be getting better.”

Niki nodded, having no reason to not believe that. He opens his mouth, going to ask something, but before he can, a shadow falls over the two of them and he looks up to see his aunt and uncle standing above them. His aunt’s eyes look watery and his uncle’s face looks tired. “Niki, we’re ready to go.”

“Oh.” Sunoo said from next to him and Niki’s hands suddenly felt cold. He hadn’t realized that Sunoo’s hands had still been on his. “You’re going to visit again, aren’t you, Niki?”

Niki feels his lips stretch despite himself. “I can.” It was strange, how just a few minutes previously, Niki despised the idea of ever setting foot in this depressing place again, but now he somehow… looked forward to it.

\--

It’s a week before Niki can get back to the hospital.

Not because he didn’t want to, or because his aunt and uncle didn’t visit, but as it was almost the very beginning of the school year, Niki found himself a lot busier than he had anticipated. Foolish, really, considering he knew he would need to work incredibly hard in order to be at the top of his class by the end of the year, if he wanted any chance of being able to audition for companies… 

But, finally, on the Sunday following the last, he was in the back seat of his uncle’s car, staring out at the passing scenery as they headed towards the hospital. There was a strange knot in his stomach, a feeling attached to it almost as if he felt a little ill himself. But he had no fever, no headache, he wondered what the feeling was.

He decided to ignore it because it probably really wasn’t anything at all, and soon they arrived and Niki tried not to shoot from the vehicle, not wanting to show how eager he was to see Sunoo again.

Why was he so excited to see this older boy whom he had met once? Someone so totally unlike him. Brighter and happier and vibrant. His positivity, even despite his circumstances, had to be unmatched.

Soon he, his aunt, and his uncle arrived at the children’s ward play-area. Niki hovered just inside of the doorway, his eyes searching for that familiar boy he had only met once the week previously. But he was nowhere to be seen and Niki felt the distinct emotion of disappointment.

He wondered if he would be allowed to wander the halls in search of him, or maybe he should just stay put and wait. Perhaps Sunoo would show up later? His aunt and uncle were already playing with his cousin. The chairs he and Sunoo had used before were taken, but he could go stand in a corner or something. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Niki gasped out when his vision went dark and he felt the press of hands against his eyes. There was a warmth behind his back and he could feel breath hitting the side of his face. A giggle sounded in his ear, and then a breathy, “Boo! Guess who?”

His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. It wasn’t that Niki was scared, because he wasn’t. He knew exactly who it was, so why was his heart racing so quickly? He wasn’t sure himself. 

He raised a hand and placed it over Sunoo’s, bringing the hand down, but not letting go as he turned his head to look at his strange friend, whose face turned out to only be mere centimeters away.

Both of them jumped at once, breaking apart. Sunoo’s eyes were a little wide and Niki could feel that red flush creeping its way up his cheeks. His palms felt suddenly a little sweaty and he rubbed them against his jeans. 

“Uh--ENFJ.”

“I’m sorry?” Sunoo blinks, looking confused. 

“My MBTI.” Niki quickly explains. “I got ENFJ. That was a really thorough personality quiz.”

“Oh!” Sunoo’s eyes light up and he clasps his hands in front of him before tilting his head to look Niki over. “I’m surprised. You don’t seem all that extraverted to me.” 

“Maybe you just don’t know me that well yet.” Niki points out.

Sunoo smiles. “You’re right. Well, I can’t wait to get to know you, Niki!” Niki felt himself smiling back as well. “Anyway, today I was thinking I could show you around. This is technically my home, I guess. And isn’t it just polite to give you the grand tour?”

“Uh…” Niki looks over to where his aunt and uncle were with his cousin before looking back at Sunoo. “As long as I’m not gone for too long, it should be okay.”

“Perfect!” Suddenly, his hand was grabbed and he was being pulled off down the hall of the hospital. The nurses didn’t seem to pay them all that much attention, except for a couple that greeted them, and Sunoo in particular by name. “Here we are!” 

They were stopped in front of a room with a plain white door, the thin glass pane in the middle the only hint of what the room held as the sign that was meant to be above the door was missing. Sunoo grabbed the handle, tossing the door open with a sharp look from an elderly woman. He gave a small bow in apology.

“This is my favorite room.” Sunoo whispered, but it was almost more like a stage whisper than an actual whisper. 

The room was very clearly a library. Not that big of one. Three of the four walls were lined with books and in the middle were large, circular tables where kids and teenagers sat, flipping through books and magazines. Some of them sat with adults, looking as if they were working on homework.

On the fourth wall, the one that held the door, there was another table. Rectangular this time, and it held three big, boxy computers, clearly long out of date. 

It was nothing special, but the way Sunoo’s eyes lit up upon entering the room certainly was.

“The library. A room full of hundreds of different worlds that allow me to be a part of them for a short while, because I don’t really get to be a part of the real world, you know?” Sunoo let go of his hand and walked across the room, seeming to know exactly which shelf he was going to. Niki watched him for a moment before following him over. 

“You like to read?” 

“Yes. It’s… an escape.” Sunoo trailed his fingers over the spines of the books and Niki watched him, looking at the titles as he passed over them. He’d never heard of any of them before. But then, most of them were clearly Korean novels. “I like this one.” Sunoo pulls a somewhat small book from the shelf, the cover a dark blue with artwork of a city skyline and a figure standing before it.

“It’s about a boy, about your age,” Sunoo began, glancing over at Niki. “He’s from Jeju, used to a simple life. But his parents die and he’s sent to live with an estranged family of relatives in Seoul. And there he discovers that the family has a very dark secret that they’ve been trying to keep hidden.” Sunoo’s voice grew low and deep and Niki found himself staring, wanting Sunoo to continue the description, wanting to know what the ‘very dark secret’ was. But Sunoo didn’t continue, just turning the book over in his hands.

“So,” he began, somewhat impatient. “What about the secret? What was it?”

Sunoo looked at him and laughed. It sounded like a bell. “I’m not going to tell you that, silly. You’re just going to have to read it for yourself, aren’t you?” Niki wanted to tell him that he really didn’t like reading much (unless they were comics), but Sunoo suddenly pulled Niki’s bag from his shoulder and unzipped it, quickly stuffing the book into it.

“Am I allowed to take that?” Niki asks quietly, trying to not let any of the workers or adults hear.

“Hm? Oh…” Sunoo glances around and then gives a mysterious smile, putting the bag strap back over Niki’s shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just don’t carry it out in your hands. Okay!” Sunoo claps his hands together again. “Next spot.”

The older boy turns on his heel and walks from the library. Niki rushes after him to keep up.

The next room they go to is a white colored room with four beds, curtains surrounding each. Sunoo heads over to the bed furthest from the door and closest to the windows and plops down on top of it. Niki follows, looking around at the drawings that adorned the walls, at the figures that lined some of the shelves that had been set up next to the bed, and a pile of books seated at the foot, pushed just beneath the hospital bed.

It was Sunoo’s ‘room’.

“And I spend a lot of my time here, of course. At least there’s a nice view.” Sunoo smiled, pointing out the window. Niki had to applaud his optimism because when he looked outside, all he saw was a tree and some flower bushes. 

Niki slowly lowered himself onto the bed next to his new friend.

“When is the last time you left the hospital?” 

“Hm?” Sunoo hums, seeming not paying attention, but then comes his answer. “About three months ago. I got to go see a movie with my older sister for her birthday.” Sunoo turned his head, a smile, albeit small and sad, on his lips.

“Three months…” Niki murmurs to himself, feeling his heart ache once more for this hyung whom he barely knew. It was such a long time to not get to leave the hospital, this white, dreary place that seemed to, ironically, suck the life out of everyone within its walls. 

“I can go out to the garden whenever I want. So there’s that. There’s even a pond. It’s really quite pretty…”

Niki could sense that Sunoo didn’t quite mean the words that he spoke, but he didn’t know how to reply. He could feel himself wanting to say something to comfort him, to tell him the world outside really wasn’t all that great.

Would that be a lie? Perhaps not, but it also wouldn’t really be a comfort, because even he knew to tell a person stuck in a hospital for so long that being outside isn’t all that great would be a bit insensitive, and also untrue. Anything would have to be better than being stuck in a hospital for so long. 

“Do you want to go outside?” Niki instead asks, getting up and going over to the window to peer out, to see if he could see the garden from there. “I’d like to see the garden.” He glances over his shoulder to see Sunoo looking at him, and then the older boy relaxes with a nod and a bright smile, his dark hair bouncing to the point he has to brush it away from his pretty, sparkling eyes.

“I’d love to show you the garden.” Sunoo pushes himself off of the bed and holds his hand out. Niki hesitates only a moment before taking it.

Was it weird to be holding this _boy’s_ hand? Would people think oddly of them? As they moved down the hall, Sunoo’s fingers wrapped firmly around his, Niki peered around them, trying to see if any of the nurses or anyone was looking at them funny.

They weren’t. In fact, none of them even glanced their way, not seeming to care.

This fact caused him to relax, and before he even realized it, he was squeezing Sunoo’s hand. Sunoo, upon seeming to feel the squeeze to his fingers, looked over at him, his lips upturning and his fingers giving a firm squeeze back.

Only a couple of minutes later, Sunoo led the two of them outside where they were automatically greeted with the sound of birds chirping and the smell of blooming flowers. As spring had barely begun, there was still a brisk chill to the air, even though it was a little passed twelve in the afternoon and the sun was high in the sky.

Sunoo took in a deep breath next to him, his eyes falling shut. Niki watched as his long dark lashes brushed against his cheeks as he tilted his head up towards the sun that warmed their skin. Something about the sight before Niki’s eyes was so angelic, he almost wanted to go back to believing that Sunoo was, indeed, an angel.

“I love Spring.” Sunoo announced, opening his eyes and turning to look at Niki with that ever-present smile. “Don’t you? It’s just wonderful how the world, after cleansing itself through winter, is ready to be reborn. It’s a fresh start for Earth and nature. C’mere.” Sunoo pulled gently on his hand and the two of them headed away from the hospital and towards a great willow tree whose branches hung over a small pond, leaves brushing the water to cause ripples in its glassy reflection.

Sunoo pushed aside the branches, pulling them both beneath the weeping tree and to a spot directly against its trunk. Sunoo finally let go of his hand and plopped down on the dirt, not seeming to care at all about his clothes. 

Niki wondered what his aunt and uncle would say if he suddenly showed up with dirt covered pants, but found that he didn’t much care, and so, without another thought, he lowered himself onto the ground too. The two of them were close enough that their knees brushed, but Sunoo (who was busy picking up a twig and twirling it into the air like a magic wand) didn’t seem to mind, not moving away from him, and so Niki also decided that he didn’t mind. Not one bit.

“I love it out here.” Sunoo told him lightly, the branch still twirling between his fingers. Niki watched him, his eyes following his every movement, as if trying to memorize Sunoo’s behaviorisms. “It makes me feel as if life actually exists.”

He didn’t know what to say to that and so he decided to say nothing, instead continuing to listen. 

“From beneath this tree, I can watch everyone.” Sunoo lowered his hands, looking back out beneath the hanging branches at the few people meandering about the garden. “I can sit here and imagine stories for all these people. And it seems a little bit less…” his voice trailed off and Niki thought he might finish after a moment, but he never did. 

Instead, Sunoo leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes, looking so peaceful Niki thought that he might have fallen asleep. His breathing was calm and slow and Niki couldn’t find it in his heart to disturb him. 

So instead he looked around. The spot really was quite pretty. It matched Sunoo well. Although the area was shaded because of the trees, especially the willow that they sat under, the sun beat down brightly just around the edge, highlighting the grass as the bright green that it was. Amongst the grass, at the edge of the dirt of the willow tree’s tent of branches, sections of small flowers had begun to once again sprout in the beginnings of spring.

Purple flowers, white flowers, even some blue. But the ones that caught Niki’s eyes were the yellow Daffodils that sat, lightly blowing in the breeze of the wind, almost as if waving to him. Almost as if telling him to pluck it from the roots of which it grew.

So that’s what Niki did. He inched forward the few feet to the edge and grasped a Daffodil by the bottom of the stem and plucked it from it’s ground before moving to sit back against the tree. He twirled it between his fingertips, not unlike Sunoo had done to the branch just a few moments previously. Then, without even really thinking about it, he turned and tucked the flower behind the ear of his friend.

Sunoo’s eyes opened as Niki’s fingers brushed the top of his ear. His skin was smooth, his hair soft and fluffy and their gazes met, holding for a moment before Niki pulled away, hiding his hands in his lap as he fought the pink blush that wanted to tint his cheeks. 

The older boy blinked, lifting his hand to touch the soft yellow petals amongst his hair and then Sunoo pulled it from himself, holding it in front of his face. Niki waited for the reaction, wondering what Sunoo would say to a strange kid putting a flower in his hair, but Sunoo smiled and Niki felt the anxiousness that had been manifesting disappear all at once.

“A Daffodil.” Sunoo said lightly, his lips barely forming the words, yet Niki could hear him as clear as the day was blue. “You know, daffodils mean rebirth and new beginnings, the exact definition of spring. Thank you, Niki, for your gift. I do love it.” Sunoo then carefully puts it back behind his ear, the small flower peaking out amongst his head of dark hair. “And I think it suits me, don’t you?”

Niki just smiles, refraining from giving a verbal answer, but Sunoo watches him, happiness clearly painted on his face, and Niki feels he gave all the answer that he needed to give already.

“Do you want to listen to some music?” Niki suddenly asks, already reaching into his bag for his phone.

“I’d love to! It’s been awhile since I’ve really gotten to listen to any.” Sunoo says, shifting himself to get comfortable once again. Niki pulls out his AirPods and brushes Sunoo’s hair away from his ear, pressing one of them gently into his ear before placing the other in his. After making sure they’re connected, he opens up his music and chooses a playlist of softer songs. The last thing he wanted was for something loud to go blasting into Sunoo’s ear.

He presses play and the two of them smile at each other, leaning back against the Weeping Willow that hid them from the rest of the world, and Niki could swear they sat closer now than they even had in the beginning.

Sometime while listening to the songs that echoed in their ears, Niki could feel himself drifting, as if floating amongst the clouds. He felt both warm and cool at the same time and he thought he might be able to get used to this, being here. Being with Sunoo, the two of them listening to the same songs, their hands brushing amongst the slightly damp earth that they sat upon.

And then he felt himself being shaken awake, an echo of his name being called. Niki opened his eyes and almost jumped at the sight of his uncle’s disapproving face in front of him, his aunt standing just behind the man’s shoulder.

“Niki, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.” His uncle’s voice was stern, holding back a bristling anger that almost frightened Niki. It wasn’t that his uncle was mean or anything, in fact it was quite the opposite. He had never heard his voice so stern sounding before.

“Niki,” his aunt’s voice on the other hand was much gentler and patient as she stepped forward. “We couldn’t find you and we were worried. You shouldn’t run off without telling us.”

“Sorry, I just…” Niki looked over at Sunoo who had also awakened, the two of them pushing themselves up into a standing position before Sunoo removed the Air Pod from his ear and handed it back to Niki. 

Niki quickly scrambled for his case, stuffing them back inside and then pushing it and his phone into his bag. “This is Sunoo. He wanted to show around and I didn’t want to bother you while you were with Kihyun… I guess we kind of dozed off.” Niki apologized, looking down at his feet, feeling a deep shame well up in his chest. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’m sorry too!” Sunoo said from next to him and Niki picked up his head just in time to see him bowing deeply. “I should have made sure it was okay before I pulled Niki off. I just… don’t often get to interact with people from outside. I don’t get much visitors other than my family.” 

Sunoo’s voice was matter-of-fact, but something about the statement bothered Niki. Didn’t Sunoo have friends? Didn’t they visit him? Niki wanted to ask, but he knew now wasn’t the right time.

“It’s okay.” His aunt told them before his uncle could speak. “Just don’t do it again. Let us know next time. Your parents are trusting us to watch you, Niki. You never know what kind of people might be around.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologized again, feeling as if it was the only thing he could really say in this situation.

“It’s time to go.” His uncle turned and headed back inside the hospital.

“I’ll let you say goodbye to your friend, but don’t be too long.” And with that, his aunt turned and followed his uncle. Niki waited until they were out of sight before turning to Sunoo, who had a slightly sad smile on his face.

“I hope I didn’t get you in trouble.” Sunoo told him softly.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Niki shrugged and then bit down on his lip. “I’ll come visit again, okay? Maybe even when my aunt and uncle aren’t coming… It’s not too far from school. I can take the bus.”

Sunoo’s eyes seemed to brighten up as if someone had just given him a present. “Really? You’ll come and visit?” Sunoo reached forward, grasping Niki’s hands. Niki tried to pretend the gentle touch didn’t cause his heart to skip or a nervous knot to form in his stomach, but it did.

“Of course.” He replied, as if it wasn’t even a question. He wanted to visit, wanted to see Sunoo some more. Something about being around him made Niki feel light and at ease. He wanted to find out why. “I’ll be back soon.”

His new friend peered at him for a moment and before Niki could even react, the older boy had taken him into his arms, hugging him tightly. Niki’s breath hitched as Sunoo’s arms squeezed around his shoulders, his head seeming to nestle perfectly on top of one of them, close enough that he could feel his breath on his neck.

Niki was frozen for a moment before he too lifted his arms to wrap around Sunoo, his own coming up around his waist to link behind his back. The two of them were about the same height and Niki couldn’t help but notice that they fit perfectly into each other’s arms. 

“I’m so glad I met you.” Came the whisper near his ear and then Sunoo pulled away, looking happier than Niki had seen him both times they had met. “You should go. I’ll see you soon, Niki.”

He couldn’t help the smile that came over his own face in response. “I’ll be back soon, Sunoo hyung.”

\--

“And then I couldn’t believe when the entire building exploded, like what the hell was that?” Niki finished his excited rant, almost panting by the time he finished explaining everything he had loved about the book that Sunoo had him read. Upon seeing the laughter that lined Sunoo’s face, he flushed and realized that he had just ranted out a book that Sunoo had already read, multiple times if he was to believe.

“Yeah, that was one of my favorite parts of it too.” Sunoo told him, looking down at the book in his hands that Niki had given him to return to the library. 

The two of them once again sat beneath the weeping willow tree in the hospital garden, unsupervised with seeming no adults actually really caring about that fact. His aunt and uncle weren’t here at this time of the day, the both of them too busy with their own tasks. Kihyun would be coming home the following week and Niki knew he would need to get used to taking the bus to get to the hospital, so he had figured why not start today and get used to it ahead of time.

It was only their third time meeting, but Niki felt as if he had known Sunoo so much longer than he actually had. The conversation between the two of them flowed and Niki was beginning to learn that not only was Sunoo bright and pretty, he was also incredibly smart and funny. Niki didn’t remember the last time he had laughed so much. Perhaps the year previously when his parents had taken him and his best friend Taki to Disneyland? 

He wishes he could take Sunoo to Disneyland. He would love it there.

“You’ll have to give me another book to read. You have good taste.” Niki told him, leaning forward a little on his hands, feeling as if he wanted to be somehow closer even though they were sitting right in front of each other, cross-legged on the dirt below, their knees touching. They were already practically as close as they could be in this instance. 

“I can do that. I have a few in mind. We’ll stop by the library and sneak you a book or two.” Sunoo said and then closed his eyes, stretching himself out. Niki watched him, his eyes not wavering from Sunoo’s face as a beam of sunlight hit it through the branches, almost causing Sunoo to look as if he were a prism, twinkling beneath the sun. 

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Niki turned to his bag suddenly, rifling through it for a moment before pulling out an old phone, a charger, a cord, and a new package of earphones. “I got you something.”

“You got me a phone?” Sunoo asked in confusion. 

“No.” Niki chuckled, a little bit shy as he turned the phone on. “This is my old one. There’s nothing on it… except playlists I made, of my favorite songs.” He explained, watching Sunoo’s expression as he handed the phone over to him so he could look through the songs. “I separated them by feelings, because I thought that’s how you would separate them.”

“Niki…” Sunoo’s voice was soft as he scrolled through the hundreds of songs on the phone. “I love it.” The older boy leaned forward, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and Niki automatically rested his own on his waist. He took in a deep breath. That smell… was it honey?

Before he could figure it out however, Sunoo had pulled back with a smile, carefully tucking his new possessions into his pocket. “I’ll listen to these later, before bed, so that I can feel what you want me to feel without an interruption.” 

“Ah…” Niki hadn’t really thought of it that way, but Sunoo’s perspective on things was outstanding and he supposed that he was right anyway. Niki had given him the songs he thought would make Sunoo feel something. 

There was silence for a few moments, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It wasn’t something awkward where neither of them knew what to say, at least that’s how Niki felt, but rather it was a silence in which they just enjoyed each other’s company. Niki really enjoyed Sunoo’s company. 

“I had a question.” Niki broke the silence after not too long however, peering across at his older friend. 

“Shoot.” Sunoo stated, leaning his elbows against his knees and resting his head in his hands. “What is Niki-kun’s question?” 

The ‘kun’ had Niki’s lips curling at the corners and then he cleared his throat. “Last time… you said not many people other than your family visited you. Why?”

The smile slowly melted from Sunoo’s face and Niki wanted to take the question back right away, but it was too late. He hated seeing Sunoo not smiling, and he felt a queasy nausea in his stomach at the thought of being the one to take that smile away, even just by a mere question that he was asking.

“Oh, well… it’s hard. This.” Sunoo began, his voice light as he looked down at their knees. “Being sick, of course, is hard on me, but it’s really hard on everyone around me. My family visit because they’re my family. They have to visit. But others… I guess it’s a bit too depressing to see someone you care about in here all of the time, for such a long time. This isn’t something friends have to deal with. I can’t blame them for choosing not to, you know?”

Niki didn’t know how to respond to that. He wondered how selfish a person could be to choose not to be there for a friend, when they were supposed to be a friend. Wasn’t the point of a friend to be there, to comfort, to care? But Sunoo had none of that, except for his family.

“But it’s okay.” Sunoo stated then and Niki looked up at him, meeting his gaze.

“How is that okay?” Niki questioned, feeling a heat burning in his chest. “Friends should be there for you--”

“Because I have you now.” 

The statement shut Niki right up, his mouth literally closing before he could even finish what he was going to say. The smile was back on Sunoo’s face and Niki could feel himself breathing just a little bit harder. His eyes quickly searched over Sunoo’s face, trying to find any form of deceit or joking, but he knew he wouldn’t find it. That wasn’t the sort of person that Sunoo was.

His eyes then fell to his lips, his smile, and he thought how beautiful it was. How absolutely wonderful it was that he was the one causing a smile like that to appear on this older boy’s face. There didn’t seem to be a moment that passed in which Niki didn’t think about this smile the last couple of weeks. 

Did that mean something? Was it strange to think of another boy’s smile? Should he be constantly dreaming up ways to cause that smile to reappear whenever he saw Sunoo? Niki wasn’t entirely sure. Niki wasn’t really sure if he even cared if it was weird. 

He just wanted to enjoy that smile for as long as he could.

“You have me now.” Niki repeated and then looked down as his hand inched across his knee and slowly took Sunoo’s smooth hand. He could feel Sunoo watching him as he pulled Sunoo’s hand to his lap, trailing his fingertips across Sunoo’s own. 

Sunoo took good care of his nails. They peaked out over the edge of his fingers and Niki took great care in gently running the pads of his fingers over them before linking their fingers together, holding hands palm to palm.

“Niki, I…” Sunoo began, but his voice trailed off. Niki turned to look up at him, seeing Sunoo’s eyes locked on their hands, unblinking.

“Yes, hyung?” 

Sunoo shook his head a little, seeming to break himself free of his thoughts and met Niki’s eyes. “Do you think you can teach me to dance? Just a little? Not this time of course, you have to go soon, but perhaps next time?”

“You want to learn how to dance?” Niki asked, making sure that he had understood correctly and Sunoo nodded, his hair flopping down over his eyes. “I can teach you. I’d love to teach you.” He squeezed Sunoo’s hands, words coming out quickly and happily watching as the beam spread across Sunoo’s lips.

“You’re amazing.” Sunoo told him and Niki felt a warm giddiness spread all throughout his body.

No. Sunoo was the amazing one.

\--

The playroom is bare of any sign of Sunoo. So is the library. 

Niki frowns a little upon seeing that. It was quite cold out today, so he highly doubted that Sunoo would be out in the garden, but Sunoo usually spent his time in one of the three places. There was only one other place that Sunoo could be, though Niki knew it couldn’t be good if Sunoo was in his (for lack of a better word) room.

Sunoo hated it in there, he had told Niki on one of his visits. It was a literal sick bed. Although he had his drawings and his books, it was still a sick bed in a hospital, the only privacy being that of the curtain that could swing around the bed. The kid across from him snored and also didn’t seem to like Sunoo very much.

Yes. Sunoo hated it in there.

But that’s where Niki eventually found Sunoo at. He couldn’t help the concern that rose in his chest upon seeing the curtain pulled closed around the bed. Niki glanced around, wondering if he was even allowed to go in when the curtain was closed like that, but figured that if he wasn’t, he would know soon enough.

“Hyung…?” He said softly, peaking around the curtain only to find a sleeping Sunoo. 

Sunoo faced him, his hands tucked beneath his cheek. His lips were parted just a little bit and if Niki concentrated enough, he could hear the soft breaths escaping passed what he was sure was very smooth skin. At least, it usually was. When he grew closer, he could see the chappedness of Sunoo’s lips, the way his hair, slightly damp, clung to his forehead. There was a crease between his brows and Niki wanted nothing more than to reach forward and stroke his face back into the pretty relaxed expression that Sunoo usually held.

Niki stepped passed the curtain, making sure that it was completely closed around him before lowering himself into a chair as quietly as he could. The labored breathing proved that Sunoo definitely didn’t feel well. Niki felt a heavy emotion burn in his stomach at the idea that he couldn’t do anything to help.

His hands squeezed around the arms of the chair and just as they did, a small noise broke free from Sunoo’s lips, his brows narrowing together even further as he began to jerk just a little beneath his blankets.

“Sunoo?” Niki leaned forward, sure that Sunoo must be having some kind of nightmare, and he pressed the palm of his hand against Sunoo’s red flushed cheeks, feeling the fever upon his skin. 

The moment the skin contact was made, Sunoo seemed to relax. Niki blinked, staring at the way Sunoo almost seemed to nuzzle into his hand, like a kitten curling into a human’s touch. Niki’s heart pounded in his chest and he swallowed tightly, his thumb brushing against the apples of Sunoo’s cheeks.

His skin, though warm, was as soft as it had looked. Niki’s eyes fell to Sunoo’s chapped, parted lips, and his thumbs seemed to follow them until they were brushing over the thin, but somewhat rough, pink skin.

Niki pulled back as if Sunoo’s fever had burned him. He pressed his hand that had just been on Sunoo’s lips a moment before in between his knees, tightening them around his hand in a squeeze. What was he doing? Why was he touching Sunoo like this? It was one thing to hold hands with a friend, but to touch their lips? It was strange. It was…

He couldn’t bring himself to think the word ‘wrong’, not fully, not even as it echoed in his brain, as if he was yelling it in some sort of large, empty canyon. 

It didn’t feel wrong.

“Mh… who--? Oh, Niki…” Sunoo’s eyes slowly opened, but only enough so that mere slivers of his eyes were visible. But a smile curled on his lips and he wiggled beneath the blankets, disappearing a little further beneath them. “You’re here.”

“Of course I’m here.” He replied because, honestly, where else would he be? “You’re sick? You have a fever.”

Sunoo’s fingers clenched at the top of the blanket, pulling it to his chin. “Just a little. It’s nothing serious.” Niki wasn’t so sure about that, but he didn’t want to question Sunoo and so he let it pass. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to be here, Niki? I don’t want to get you sick.”

It honestly probably wasn’t. He couldn’t afford to get sick, but Niki also didn’t want to leave. He had just gotten here. He wanted to spend time with Sunoo, and he was sure that Sunoo could use the company. His hyung didn’t get much of it. 

“I have a strong immune system. I’ll be okay.” Niki promised, scooting his chair a little bit closer to the bed. Sunoo’s eyes were a little bit more wide, a little more alert now and Niki could see the smile in them.

“I haven’t gotten sick like this in awhile.” Sunoo nuzzled further into his pillow, his eyes closing again, showing how tired he must be. “But one of the other kids got sick a couple of days ago and I guess I caught it.”

“It’s not going to make your…” he hesitated. He still wasn’t entirely sure what was wrong with Sunoo. “Other illness worse, right?” 

Sunoo opened his eyes, peering at him for a moment before shaking his head. “No. This is just a cold. It won’t affect that. I’ll be better in a couple of days. I promise.”

“Alright, well… how about I read to you?” Niki picked up a book from the bedside table, a bookmark sticking out from nearly halfway through the novel. “Is this what you’re reading?”

“Yeah, you’re going to read it to me?” There was a smile in Sunoo’s voice as Niki leaned back into his chair, nodding and turning to the correct page. “Then I’ll happily listen to you, lovely little Niki.”

Niki cleared his throat and rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to pretend as if the compliment didn’t cause him to flush or feel that distinct emotion of shyness. Why was he constantly like this around Sunoo?

“Okay, so… ‘The creak of the door hinge felt almost sinister…’” He read slowly, trying to make sure that he got the words right. Every once in a while he would have to stop and ask Sunoo what a word was and he felt bad for it, but his hyung didn’t seem to mind. Eventually the reading got a bit easier, even though a little tiresome from overworking his brain to this point.

By the time his mouth and throat felt dry from reading for so long, he realized that Sunoo had been silent for a good few minutes. Niki glanced up from the book in his hands to see the boy resting into a peaceful sleep, his lips once again just slightly parted. Niki could see a peek of teeth and hear his soft breath escaping passed his lips.

He closed the book, making sure to mark the page, before he set it back down on the table. Niki knew he should go, but instead he leaned forward, elbows resting on the arms of the chair as he moved a little closer towards Sunoo, taking this chance to study his face until he grew tired of looking at it.

Something told him he wouldn’t grow tired of looking at it however. The way his lashes fluttered against his cheeks was almost majestic. Once in a while, Sunoo would murmur something inaudible, scrunching his nose, a cute habit Niki now knew he held even in his sleep.

There was a pink heat to his cheeks still, almost like a blush, but Niki knew it was the fever and his body fighting off infection. But he couldn’t help how much he enjoyed the color on Sunoo’s skin, how much he wanted to see Sunoo’s cheeks pink because of other reasons, like Niki complimenting him. 

He wanted to tell Sunoo how pretty he is and see that pink blush creep up his neck, cheeks, all the way to the tips of his ears.

The knot in his stomach was back. The more it came back, the more stubborn it seemed to get about leaving. But it wasn’t really all that unpleasant. In fact, Niki kind of liked it.

Niki slowly pushed himself out of the chair, only to sit on the edge of Sunoo’s hospital bed. The bed dipped under the added weight, but Sunoo didn’t stir. After making sure that he hadn’t woken him from his sleep, Niki lifted his hand and brushed his fingers through Sunoo’s dark hair, his thumb stroking along that pink flush, once more feeling the heat of his skin.

“I want to keep you safe.” Niki found himself murmuring, barely even realizing what he was saying until after he said it. The urge to keep Sunoo safe… where had that come from? But he had to admit that he really did have it. Seeing Sunoo locked away in this hospital--he wishes he could steal him from it, wishes he could free him from whatever illness binded him to the bed.

Niki wanted to protect him from every bad thing that Sunoo could ever possibly face. He just needed to figure out how to do that.

\--

Niki dropped himself down onto his bed, his freshly washed hair clinging to his forehead. He hadn’t had the energy to dry it properly, his thoughts too occupied with a certain smiling boy who was hopefully fast asleep in his bed, resting so that his body could fight the cold that had grabbed hold of him.

It was 9pm and the world outside was starting to shut off. The world inside as well began to close down. In the distance, he could hear the television from the living room spew out words he couldn’t make out, but knew was most likely the nightly news. Soon, his uncle would turn it off and he and Niki’s aunt would head to bed. Niki still had some homework he needed to finish before school the next day, but he found his thoughts preoccupied and unable to focus.

He needed to talk to someone, but it wasn’t like he had many friends in Korea yet. Plus, even if he had, he wasn’t so sure he felt comfortable discussing something like this with someone he would’ve met only a few months previously. There really was only one person he wanted to talk to.

Niki quickly sat up and grabbed his cellphone from the charger on the desk before lowering himself back onto his bed, knees crossed beneath him as he scrolled through his contacts to find the name he wanted. Upon pressing dial, he glanced at his door and brought his phone to his ear. He would have to speak quietly, just to be sure that his aunt and uncle didn’t say what he had to talk about.

“Niki-kun!” Came the exclamation at the other end of the line and upon hearing his best friend Taki’s voice, Niki couldn’t help how he automatically smiled, feeling comforted just knowing his friend was eager to hear from him. “It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten to talk. How have you been?”

“Sorry,” Niki apologized automatically, feeling bad for neglecting his friend. “I’ve been really busy and--”

“No, it’s okay! I get it.” Taki quickly told him. “You don’t have to apologize. You’re out there living your dream. I totally get it.”

Niki smiled, picking at a loose thread on his blanket. Taki had always been kind and understanding. Yeah, he was the perfect person to talk to about this question that Niki was facing. 

“How about you? Anything interesting happening back home?” He decided to ask about how Taki’s life was going first, wanting to show interest in his friend before compiling all his issues onto him.

“Nothing much. Uhh… well, except there was a fight between the senpai the other week. There’s a lot of rumors going around about that. Some are saying even yakuza stuff--but really I bet it was just about something stupid. Rumors like that always start up because the people getting into the fight don’t want to seem lame.”

Niki laughed because it was true. It wasn’t the first time rumors similar to that one had popped up, and none of them had ever panned out. The fights were usually about a girl, nothing really all that interesting.

“Also our class has to do something for the festival, but we’re really struggling to figure out what we can do. I think a performance would be fun, but you’re the only one who would really back me up on that and since you’re not here, none of the others want to try something like that. Do you have any ideas?”

He hummed, wondering what they could possibly do that was unique enough and probably not being done by every other class in the school. “I’ll have to think about that and get back to you. Anyone doing a cafe yet? Those are always a hit.”

“I mean, probably. Those sorts of ideas are always the first to go. We have to come up with something by next week in order to have time to implement it before the festival.”

“Alright, I’ll get back to you on that.”

“Thanks!” There was a pause. “So I’m guessing you’re not just calling to ask me about the school delinquents or a boring festival, right?”

Niki straightened up, giving a small cough as he looked once more towards the door. The tv was still on downstairs, he could hear it. 

“So, something strange--well, not really strange. I wouldn’t call it strange. But something… different has happened recently? I made a friend.” Niki began, pausing to wait for Taki’s reaction.

“A friend? Well, I hope so. I would hate for you to not be making friends, Niki-kun.” There was a slight laugh from the other end of the line, but Niki could also hear the confusion in Taki’s voice. 

“Yeah, so you know how my cousin has been sick?” Taki affirmed on the other end. “Well, he had to be in the hospital for a few weeks. He’s okay now and back home, but while there I met a friend and now I’ve been going to visit… them a few times each week.”

“At the hospital? They’re a patient?”

Niki nodded before realizing Taki couldn’t see him. “Uh, yeah. They’re a patient. It seems a little serious. I don’t entirely know what they’re in there for but I don’t really feel like prying, you know? But, I don’t know, lately I kind of feel weird?”

“Weird how?”

He tried to find the words to explain it. “Like whenever I see h--them, my heart starts beating really fast and I always seem to think about them when I’m not around them and I focus a lot on their smile… Their smile is really pretty, Taki-kun!” Niki could hear the excitement rising in his own voice and tried to quell it down. “I mean--it’s pretty. And their eyes are so pretty, always sparkling and even though they have so much to be sad and angry about, they’re never either of those things.

“They’re so bright and positive _all the time_. And maybe it’s a bad description to use? But I find it so infectious and I just love being around them. We read books and I made them a playlist. There’s this weeping willow tree out in the garden so a lot of the time we’ll go out and sit under it and just… talk. And even that’s really nice, you know? Just talking with them.” Niki took in a deep breath, having been rambling on so quickly that he hadn’t had time to breathe. 

“They sound great!” Taki exclaimed and then his voice took on a teasing tone. “It sounds like you have a crush, Niki.” 

Niki felt his back go stiff. “Do you think so?” He whispered, almost as if afraid someone would hear this part.

“Yeah. Definitely. You definitely have a crush. You really couldn’t tell?”

“I-I… well, no. I kind of had the suspicion.” Niki admitted and then lay back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling above him. “I guess I’m just scared to have a crush on them.”

“Because they’re sick?”

A beat.

“No.”

There was silence on the other end of the line and Niki just let it sit, not saying anything, waiting for what Taki would say next. 

He heard some shuffling and then the sound of a door closing before Taki spoke again. “Niki, I have a question, and don’t get angry about it okay?”

Niki nodded. “Okay. I promise.”

He could hear Taki take in a breath. “This person you met at the hospital, who you have a crush on… they’re a boy, right?”

Niki closed his eyes, his fingers tightening around his phone, his free hand grasping at his shirt. His heart was pounding, a queasy nervousness building in his stomach, but eventually he worked up the courage to answer and he was thankful to Taki for not rushing one. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Taki then stated.

“Okay?” Niki questioned.

“Yeah, okay.”

Niki opened his eyes and pushed himself back up on the bed. “What do you mean okay? I tell you I have a crush on--” he looks at his door and lowers his voice. “On a boy and you just say… okay?”

“What do you want me to say?” Taki asks, sounding genuinely confused. “Niki, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I mean, I guess I get why you’re hesitant to say it, but we’re best friends and I don’t care if you’re straight or gay or bi or ace or whatever else people identify with nowadays.”

A warmth spread throughout Niki at his best friend’s words and he suddenly felt a little bit lighter, as if his crush on Sunoo really wasn’t as weird or wrong as his brain had been trying to trick him into thinking.

“I don’t know if I’m any of that. I just know… I like Sunoo.” He admitted, both to Taki but also to himself. He liked Sunoo, not just as a friend, but as something more than that. He liked him in the way that made Niki want to hold his hand, to stroke his hair.

Maybe to even kiss him one of these days.

“Sunoo huh?” Taki’s voice took on that teasing tone again. “Well, I’m happy for you. He sounds super nice. I wish that I could meet him.”

“I wish you could too. You two would probably get along so well. I know Sunoo would really like you--but not more than me.” Niki added on quickly, trying to stomp out any jealousy at the idea of Sunoo liking Taki. He really could see that they’d get along famously well. The two were both very bright, happy people. 

It was interesting how those were the people that Niki seemed to like to surround himself with the most. 

“I’m sure. Niki, I just want to let you know, it’s really okay to like him, okay? I don’t want you to feel bad about it, or let anyone else make you feel bad about it. I know Korea is a bit more… conservative than Japan is with this stuff, and I know Japan isn’t exactly open about it, but don’t let that affect you, okay? I don’t know how this Sunoo person feels for you, my best friend, but I also know that unless you give it a shot, you probably will never know. So I think you should go for it.”

Niki chewed on his lip and then took in a deep, steadying breath. “You’re right.” He replied firmly. “I’m not going to know if Sunoo-kun likes me back unless I go for it. I should tell him.” He pauses and then feels himself deflate. “But what if he doesn’t and he freaks out and I lose a friend?”

“Then frankly, Niki,” Taki told him. “He wasn’t actually a very good friend, okay? But from everything you’re saying about him, he seems like an actually nice person, so I don’t think he’d react badly, even if he doesn’t like you in that way. But you should go for it. Just tell him.”

“You’re right. You’re totally right.” Niki nodded to himself and then smiled. “Thanks, Taki… I really needed to hear this advice from you. And to just hear from you. I’ve been so busy.”

“I know, and it’s okay. And also, you’re welcome. The only thing I ask in return is that you make me the best man at your’s and this other boy’s wedding.” 

Niki laughed. But then he agreed.

\--

“Are you sure you’re allowed to be doing this?” Niki asks as he follows Sunoo into an empty room full of chairs. Sunoo said it was used mostly for support meetings, but it wasn’t in use at the moment and would be okay for the two of them to use as long as they didn’t get too loud. 

“Of course! I wouldn’t do anything that would get you in trouble.” Sunoo promises and Niki gives a small nod before he sets his bag down on a chair and opens it up, pulling out a little bluetooth speaker he had brought with him purely for the purpose of teaching Sunoo to dance, just like he had asked. 

“Oh, we should probably keep the door shut.” Sunoo went back over and closed the door before moving some chairs away from the center of the room. “So, Niki- _sensei_ ,” Sunoo accentuated the ‘sensei’ and Niki felt himself suddenly grow warm. “Where do we begin?”

“I’m going to teach you some basic stuff. It’s not hard, don’t worry.” Niki connected his phone to the speaker, putting on a playlist. “For background music.”

“I’m not worried, don’t worry.” Sunoo assured and Niki hurried over to him.

“Okay, we’re going to start with this…” And Niki began teaching him, beginning with the basic movements. He laughed whenever Sunoo would turn his face into an overly cute expression. He’d scrunch his nose and smile wide and let out cute little noises and Niki could feel himself practically melt.

Although, it got really bad when instead of a cute expression, Sunoo would lower his lashes and bite his lip, making a more sensual expression. Yeah, that was too much. Niki was just going to ignore that. 

Every so often, Niki would have to go over and manually move Sunoo so that he could get a movement exactly right. Niki would be a liar if he said that he didn’t enjoy stepping behind Sunoo, his head nearly resting on his shoulder as he took Sunoo’s arms, guiding him through the movements with his own hands, or the press of his knee against the back of Sunoo’s leg.

Sunoo took it in stride, clearly not thinking that it was strange or weird just based on the fact that he didn’t mention it at all, and didn't seem bothered by it at all. This gave Niki a bit more confidence. _Maybe Sunoo does like me after all_ , he thought to himself, his arms wrapped around Sunoo’s body, hands on the other boy’s wrists, his eyes trailing across the side of Sunoo’s face. 

And then Niki cleared his throat and moved away, smiling and letting him know that he was doing amazing. 

The next few visits mostly continued like this. Sunoo insisted on Niki teaching him as much as he possibly could in their short visits. Though Niki already spent much of the day dancing for school, he really didn’t mind. Dancing was his life and seeing the happy smile on Sunoo’s face made everything worth it.

Sunoo was actually getting fairly good though. He was a quick learner. Niki had the distinct suspicion that Sunoo was practicing on his own time as well, not just when Niki was there. He wanted to applaud his effort for such dedication to learning the art of dance and it reminded Niki of the fact that Sunoo had said he also used to want to be an idol.

Niki suddenly felt his heart ache for his friend, his crush. He couldn’t imagine having a dream and not being able to seek it because of his health. Niki would do everything in his power to at least help Sunoo have fun practicing dance in his own time, even if he couldn’t ever learn it officially.

When they took breaks, they would sit against the wall, their cheeks flushed and arms pressed as tightly against each other as they could. Niki would get them a water as well as a soda from the vending machine to share and maybe Niki carefully watched Sunoo as his lips pressed against the bottles, and maybe butterflies erupted in his stomach as his own lips touched that same bottle after Sunoo.

Oftentimes during their break, Sunoo would grasp at Niki’s hand that lay closest to him, flattening it out against his leg and then trace over the lines of the palm, pretending as if he knew what any of it meant. Sunoo would make things up. Some days, Sunoo would tell him he was destined to have eight children and a very pretty wife ( _husband_ , his inner thoughts corrected). He would be a famous celebrity all over the world and go on to win a Grammy, taking after the popular Bangtan sunbaenim.

Niki had to admit, he rather liked that fortune.

Then there were other days where Sunoo would go into detail (far too much for him to really be reading from his palm) about how the moment he stepped outside, a huge earthquake would happen, ridding the world of power. An apocalypse would start and Niki would become some huge zombie slayer that everyone wanted on their side, but everyone knew they were out of luck because he was Sunoo’s protector, and Sunoo’s protector alone.

If he was completely honest with himself, even that fortune wasn’t all that bad. 

But it was amusing, watching Sunoo come up with all these ideas at the top of his mind, his creativity exploding into stories that formed into fully detailed worlds. Niki could imagine it all perfectly.

He liked these moments with Sunoo, just sitting and talking and getting to know each other. Niki thought that a moment like these would be the perfect opportunity to turn to Sunoo and admit to him that he has feelings for him, feelings beyond friendship. But whenever he worked up his courage, Sunoo would start speaking again and Niki would lose it all. So he kept himself quiet, kept his thoughts to himself and just watched Sunoo’s sparkling excitement take over him.

He didn’t mind. He really enjoyed watching Sunoo.

That isn’t to say he wasn’t being a little more forthcoming with how he felt, however. Though he didn’t say it in words, Niki made sure his actions spoke clearly about how deeply he felt for Sunoo. He would touch him more, whether it be something as simple as taking his hand, giving him a back hug and nestling his head into the crook of his shoulder, or something a bit more telling. Something more like the moments that Niki would reach up with his hand, brushing Sunoo’s dark hair away from his face, letting the tips of his fingers linger against the smooth skin.

“Your eyes are too pretty to be hidden.” He would tell him and Sunoo’s said pretty eyes would widen. Niki was almost certain that in moments like that, Sunoo would stop breathing for a brief moment. 

It almost made him want to laugh, a few times he did, and Sunoo would pout and push him and whine about being teased, his voice growing quiet with such shyness that Niki wasn’t used to hearing from him. It was perfect and beautiful and everything Niki liked causing in Sunoo.

Usually the practices went perfect and they would end on a high note of the two of them hugging, clinging to each other for as long as possible because neither seemed to want to let go. Niki knew he didn’t want to and Sunoo seemed hesitant to do so as well, once even whispering that he wished Niki could stay there with him. But then he pulled away, telling Niki to be safe on his bus ride back home.

Usually everything was okay. Today was not.

“Sunoo, are you okay?” Niki questioned, taking a few steps closer to where Sunoo stood, his eyes locked to the ground, arm wrapped around his waist as he took in a few slow, deep breaths.

“H-huh?” Sunoo blinked and looked up. “Of course, I’m fine. Just a little tired today, but it’s nothing serious.”

Niki studied his face, watched as Sunoo glanced from side to side, not seeming to meet his eyes. “Are you sure? We can stop for today. Maybe we can go outside and get some fresh air instead?”

“But I really want to learn.” Sunoo walked forward, grasping at Niki’s hands, looking at him pleadingly. “Please, Niki? I promise I’m okay, just need to catch my breath. You teaching me how to dance like this is the most fun I’ve had in years. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but I haven’t had the chance. I don’t want to stop now.”

He chewed on his lip, thinking it over, but eventually he sighed and gave in, practically melting when Sunoo beamed and threw his arms around him into a hug. Niki eagerly and without hesitation wrapped his arms around his waist, picking him up just a little. Sunoo was about his height, but he was so light that Niki felt he could easily carry him if he wanted. 

“Thank you, Niki. You’re really truly the best.” Sunoo said against his ear and before he pulled back he felt a soft brush of lips against his cheek. Before he could even figure out if it was real or not, Sunoo stepped away and went back to his position, leaving Niki standing there with his fingers against his cheek. “Now!” Sunoo exclaimed, hands on his hips. “Let’s continue!”

So they continued, Niki giving him pointers on how to move. The dances were getting a little bit harder each time, but Sunoo kept up well despite the fact. Until he didn’t.

“Sunoo?” Niki questioned again when Sunoo stopped dancing, once again standing still, his arm wrapped across his chest, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. “Are you okay? Sunoo?”

Sunoo was breathing more heavily, standing as still as a statue, and then his face twisted and his eyes clenched shut. He let out a pained gasp and leaned over, one hand on his knee, the other still clutching at his chest. 

Niki rushed over to him, one hand on the older boy’s shoulder, his own heart pounding rapidly as he tried to steady his friend, who was quickly beginning to get shaky on his feet. “Sunoo, what’s wrong?”

“I-I’m…” But Sunoo could only let out another painful cry and Niki quickly wrapped his arms around him, catching him.

“Sunoo!” The panic was clear in his voice as he helped Sunoo to the ground, laying him down, the boy whimpering and twisting as he clutched at his chest, a few tears leaking from beneath his eyelids. “Hold on, I’m going to--” he didn’t finish his sentence, instead jumping up and running from the room as fast as he could.

“I need a doctor!” he yelled out, pointing to the room. “Sunoo, he-he collapsed--” barely a moment later, nurses and a doctor were rushing to the room. Niki stood back as he watched them surround the writhing boy on the ground.

They called out his name, saying things Niki didn’t really understand. Niki felt ill, as if he was going to pass out as he watched them pick Sunoo up and put him on a gurney, rushing him out of the room and down the hall to a place they could more easily care for him.

He tried to follow, but a nurse held him back. Niki pointed off in the direction of Sunoo, gesturing that he wanted to go, he wanted to see if his friend was alright, he didn’t have time to stop.

“What were you two doing in there?” The nurse asked him, her voice tight and somewhat impatient.

“I-we were just… Sunoo wanted to learn to dance,” he explained, his words coming out messily and quickly in his panic and haste to be able to get to the other boy. “So I was teaching him.”

The nurse took in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, her hand still firm around Niki’s arm before she opened them back up, looking at him sternly. “Sunoo can’t be doing things like that. Too much strenuous activity can cause his heart to overwork itself. He could have a heart attack. He could die.”

It was as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water on him. The words echoed in his ears. _He could die, he could die, he could die…_ he could die? 

“I didn’t…” the words died on his lips, feeling as if it was only going to be a feeble excuse, one that didn’t make him feel any better. Niki wanted to run, to find a bathroom, and to throw up. He hadn’t known he had been putting his friend, his best friend, into danger like that.

“You didn’t know.” The nurse said for him. “Why did you think he was here? He wouldn’t be a permanent resident if he could do things kids like you do on the regular. You need to be more careful next time.” And then the nurse let go of him and rushed off down the hall.

Niki felt dizzy, as if he had just gotten off a terrifying ride that spun at the speed of light. He felt his back hit the wall and he slowly slid down it, not even realizing that his hands were shaking until he pressed them in between his knees, stilling them.

In his own selfishness to spend time with Sunoo, he had put his health, his life, at risk. And now Sunoo was in a hospital room just down the hall fighting for his life, all because Niki didn’t care enough to find out if something like this was even safe for him to do.

Niki was a danger for Sunoo and Niki… he couldn’t allow dangerous things to be around him.

\--

Niki scrolled through the pictures on his phone as he sat on his bed. From the screen peered himself, smiling brighter than Niki could ever remember smiling, because Sunoo was next to him, pressed almost cheek to cheek. 

Sunoo had often taken over his phone, snapping pictures of the two of them together, or even just selcas of himself. Niki didn’t delete any of them, usually spending his nights going through them, thinking about how happy his days were when the two of them spent it together.

But now he looked at the pictures in sadness, in yearning to see Sunoo again. Because he hadn’t--seen Sunoo that is. Not in awhile.

It had been two weeks since Niki had gone to visit. Two weeks since Sunoo had collapsed and he had been scolded for putting the other boy’s health at risk. Two weeks since the guilt had begun forming a ball in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t bring himself to go back, couldn’t bring himself to face Sunoo. He could still hardly believe that he’d nearly been responsible for putting Sunoo in so much risk. He didn’t deserve to see Sunoo again.

So he didn’t. So he tried to forget about him. It was better for Sunoo that way, even if it caused a deep, aching pain in Niki’s chest, it was better that way. Sunoo could easily go back to how it was before Niki. He could concentrate on getting better from whatever it was he had, and, besides, Niki really should start focusing more on school.

It wouldn’t be a lie to say he had been a bit distracted while knowing Sunoo. His grades weren’t nearly at the spot he needed them to be at in order for his parents to let him begin auditioning for companies.

So, really, this was what was best for the both of them. Sunoo could be safe without Niki putting his health at risk and Niki could concentrate on his goals and his dreams.

But why did his goals and his dreams suddenly seem so less important now that he had Sunoo to compare them to?

Niki jumped as his phone began ringing in his hand. He looked at the name and gave a small sigh. He didn’t really feel like talking, but it had been awhile, and he wasn’t about to ignore his best friend.

“Hey,” he greeted as he answered the call.

“I’m just checking on you. Haven’t talked to you in awhile. You been busy?” Taki asked on the other end of the line.

“Hmm…” Niki hummed, rubbing his fingers against the blanket. “Something like that. Been trying to concentrate a bit more on school lately. We have a performance coming up in a few months and we all have to do something, so I’m trying to choreograph a cool dance.”

“Well, you’re the best dancer I know, so whatever you come up with, I’m sure it’s going to be great!” Taki cheered him on and Niki tried to smile, but didn’t much feel like it. “So…”

“So?”

“How’s your crush doing? Sunoo was his name, right?” Taki’s voice took on a teasing tone and Niki could feel his heart drop into his stomach.

He wanted to make some excuse, some reason to hang up the phone, but even as he wracked his brain, he couldn’t really think of anything. Niki supposed he could say he just had to go get ready for bed, and that would be good enough, but he couldn’t bring himself to hang up on Taki like that.

“Actually, I’m not sure.” Niki said lightly, laying back against his pillows and curling up on his side, phone pressed against his face as he stared at his desk across the room.

“You’re not sure?”

Niki took in a breath and closed his eyes. “I was teaching him to dance a few weeks ago and it--it was _bad_ Taki. He collapsed and I… I didn’t know what to do. I got a nurse and they had to take him somewhere. I assume he’s alright, but I--”

“You _assume_? You don’t know?”

“I haven’t gone to see him…”

“Niki!” Taki exclaimed so loudly that Niki had to pull his phone away from his ear, wincing at the loudness. “Niki, why haven’t you gone to see him? He probably needs you right now.”

“Because it’s my fault!” Niki cried out, smacking his arm against his mattress as he rolled over onto his back. “If I hadn’t been teaching a sick kid how to dance then--I knew he wasn’t well. He’s in that hospital for a reason. I didn’t even bother to make sure it was okay. They said strenuous activity like that could cause him to have a heart attack. A _heart attack_ , Taki. He’s sixteen…”

“You didn’t know.” Taki’s voice was soft. “He didn’t tell you?”

“No. He said he was okay, that it was okay.” Niki’s voice lowered to a murmur. He felt a sting behind his eyes and quickly rubbed at them, fighting off the frustrated tears.

“Then you can’t blame yourself.”

“Who am I supposed to blame then? Sunoo?”

“No. Just… it’s neither of your faults. He probably thought it was okay. He probably just wanted to have some fun with you and learn to dance. He probably didn’t realize it would be so hard on him. But it’s not your fault.”

“It feels like my fault.” Niki sighs.

“I promise it’s not.” Taki assured and then heaved a large sigh on the other end of the line. “But you need to go see him, Niki.”

“I can’t, Taki. I feel so guilty. What if I put him into danger again?”

“Niki.” Taki’s voice took on a stern tone unlike what Niki has heard from him before, causing Niki’s mouth to snap shut. “Stop and think for a second, okay? Think about him? Aren’t you his friend? He has an attack and you just… don’t check on him? Don’t see if he’s okay? He’s probably confused and hurt. I doubt he blames you. He probably wants to see you. But you’re not visiting him or at least explaining to him you think it’s not a good idea to be around him anymore.”

“I…” Niki’s voice trails off before he even really speaks, Taki’s words spinning around in his mind. There’s a distinct sickly feeling in his stomach, as if any moment he would need to run to the hall bathroom to vomit into the toilet.

What Taki was saying was right and he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t thought of that before. Sunoo wasn’t the sort of person to blame Niki for something like that, but Niki had abandoned him, just as his other friends had. His heart ached painfully in his chest at the knowledge that Sunoo had probably been sitting in the hospital for the last two weeks, waiting for him to come by, and being confused and hurt when Niki never showed up.

“Fuck…” The rare curse slipped from his lips and he groaned, running his hand almost painfully through his hair. “What do I do, Taki? What if I go and he doesn’t want to speak or see me ever again?”

“Well… at least then you know that. But what if he does want to speak and see you? You can’t just sit in your room pretending you know how he feels when you aren’t even giving him the chance to tell you himself, Niki.”

Taki was right and Niki knew that.

Even if Niki went and saw Sunoo, he might be so angry he never wanted to see him again, and Niki could understand that, even if the idea caused an actual physical ache in his chest. But it wasn’t fair to just assume things on Sunoo’s behalf, it wasn’t fair to take Sunoo’s only friend away from him, just because Niki was feeling guilty.

Sunoo was the priority, not Niki’s guilt. 

“I’ll go see him tomorrow.” Niki decides finally. “And I’ll apologize and I’ll… see if Sunoo ever wants to speak to me again. I can’t believe I abandoned him like that. I said I never would, and I did.”

“Well,” Taki sighed. “Nobody ever said you were smart.”

\--

Niki sighs as he looks at the hospital doors that led to the children’s ward. He’d been standing outside of it for about five minutes, trying to work up the courage to enter and go find Sunoo, but something kept holding him back.

He was scared of the reaction that he was going to get. There was no way to know what type of reaction it would be, but the one thing Niki was sure about was that it wasn’t going to be good. That’s what he deserves though, he thinks to himself and with a deep breath, he pushes the door open and enters the ward.

The walls, unlike the rest of the hospital, are painted a light blue. Every once in a while, a mural would pop up, usually of some outdoor image for the blue to act as a sky. He never really paid much attention to the painted walls, but now as he walked through them, he thought about how much further the hospital went into making the youngest of the kids feel a bit more comfortable.

Don’t get him wrong, that was a good thing. They were young and they deserved something happy and nice, even if it was only just pretty pictures on walls, but it made him think about how little the older kids, kids like Sunoo, actually had in this place.

Even the playroom was mostly for the younger kids. Small chairs and tables, toys that probably wouldn’t amuse any of them beneath the age of twelve. There was the library, of course, but it was a somewhat small library, and surely a teenager would like to do more than just read books all day?

Perhaps this was why Sunoo had been so adamant about learning to dance. It was something new and something different, something that he really couldn’t do amongst all these walls. It wasn’t like he could leave. He had a few choices; be in his bedroom listening to the music Niki had given him, read a book, take a walk in the garden, or play with the very young kids. Four choices to spend all his days.

Dancing, moving about, talking to someone from outside the hospital… it probably helped him more than Niki could ever even realize.

The guilt formed an even tighter knot, but he tried to shake it off. It would be of no use to him now. Now he had to find Sunoo. He had to apologize. That is, if Sunoo would even hear him out. Niki wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

Niki searches down the hall, peeking into the playroom. As expected, there was no Sunoo. There was also no Sunoo in the library, nor was there a Sunoo in his room. Niki sighs and turns to start heading towards the outdoor garden, only to stop in his place as he sees Sunoo standing a few feet away, staring at him, his face still and expressionless.

“Sunoo…” Niki says softly and takes a step forward only for Sunoo to quickly turn on his heel and start running off towards the garden. “Sunoo!” Niki calls and chases after him. 

Sunoo pushes the doors open to the warm spring day before Niki catches up, grabbing his hand to stop him, but Sunoo tugs it out of his grasp, continuing towards the tree. “Sunoo, wait! I want to say sorry--”

“You want to say sorry?!” Sunoo spun around, his voice raised high and Niki was taken aback to see his cheeks wet, face twisted into hurt and anger. “What are you going to apologize for? For not sticking around to see if I was okay? For not calling to check later? For not coming to visit me? For abandoning me just like all of my other friends have abandoned me?” Sunoo took in a shaky breath, his shoulders shaking as he clearly tried to keep himself from sobbing.

Niki could feel his heart ache, a deep pain stabbing at his chest knowing that he deserved these words to be thrown at him, because he had done all of those things. Or rather, not done any of those things. “I know. I should have checked on you, I should have…”

“You should have!” Sunoo interrupted, wiping a hand across his cheeks. “Because I thought we were friends! I thought you cared about me! But clearly you don’t.”

“That’s not true--”

“I’m speaking, Niki!” Niki shut his mouth, a hot flush creeping up his neck and to his cheeks. “It’s fine if you can’t handle this. A lot of people can’t handle this, what’s wrong with me. The nurses told you right? I have a heart defect. I’ve been on the list for a transplant for years, but hearts are rare to come by, especially a place like here. I could die, Niki.” Sunoo’s voice grew calm all of a sudden, and it was more terrifying than his yelling.

Niki swallowed tightly, the words echoing in his brain. He didn’t know what to say, so instead he stayed quiet, letting Sunoo speak. 

“I could die today, or tomorrow, next month, or a year from now. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to treat me like some fragile little doll that you have to be careful to handle.” Sunoo wiped his face again, ridding himself of the last bit of wetness that clung to his cheeks as he stepped forward. “And most of my friends couldn’t handle it and I don’t blame them. I don’t hate them for it. But I am mad.

“I’m mad at you because I somehow expected better from you. I wouldn’t have held it against you if you had told me you couldn’t handle being around me. I’m used to just having my family, it’s okay. They’re there because they have to be because they’re my family. There’s nothing holding you here. So you’re free to go, if that’s what you like.” Sunoo lifted his arm, pointing back towards the door and Niki quickly shook his head.

“I don’t want to go.”

“Go!” Sunoo exclaimed again, and though he had managed to stop crying, tears fell from his eyes once again. Niki shook his head, stepping a little closer. “I said go, Niki! You can go--”

Niki pulled Sunoo to him, wrapping his arms tightly around the older boy’s body. Sunoo whined, pushing at him for a moment before falling still, except for the distinct feeling of his entire body trembling against Niki. Niki could feel the shoulder of his shirt grow wet and Sunoo clung to him, as if he were afraid Niki would disappear again.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Niki murmured against his ear, pouring all of his regret into his voice that he could muster, trying to let Sunoo know he really meant it. “I felt like I was putting you in danger by being around you. I thought you would be better off without me. I didn’t even think, even consider… I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m so sorry, I’m never going to leave you again, Sunoo.” Niki promised, his arms tightening around his waist until there wasn’t even air between their bodies.

“You’re so stupid.” Sunoo sobbed, but it sounded like it was mixed with a laugh. Niki smiled a little, feeling something wet hit his own cheek and then he realized he was crying too.

He took in a shaky breath and lifted his hand, stroking the back of Sunoo’s hair. “You’re right,” he agreed. “I’m stupid. I’m very stupid. And I’m never going to abandon you. Not now, not next week, not in a month or a year… not in fifty years.”

“Fifty years is a very long time.” Sunoo mumbled against his shoulder, seeming like he didn’t plan on letting go any time soon. Niki didn’t mind, because he didn’t want to let go of him either.

“Well,” Niki cleared his throat, twirling a strand of Sunoo’s soft hair around his finger, his other hand gently rubbing up and down his back. “I mean it. Fifty years from now… I’m still going to be with you.”

“You almost sound like you’re proposing, Niki.” Sunoo jokes, giving a watery chuckle as he pulled his head back, but he didn’t move away from Niki’s arms.

Niki’s heart pounded in his chest and his hand fell from Sunoo’s hair to his neck, thumb brushing lightly over his ear as it did. Sunoo caught his gaze, looking at him almost expectantly. 

He could say it now. Tell him how he felt, that his feelings went beyond more than just friendship.

“Not proposing, just… promising.” Niki said instead and then pulled the other teenager back into a full hug, feeling as if he could stay in Sunoo’s embrace forever and be perfectly happy.

\--

Niki keeps his promise. 

Over the next couple of months, Niki makes sure to visit as much as he can. Although he’s getting busier the further towards summer it gets, he still makes sure to pop by for an hour or two at least once or twice a week, something which Sunoo seems pleased with, even though the both of them clearly wish they could see each other more often. 

There’s one day where Sunoo even gets permission to go outside for a while and Niki eagerly brings him to dinner and a movie. In Niki’s head, it feels like a date, but the two of them are just going as friends. Friends… even though every once in a while their hands would brush in the dark of the theater, or Niki would have something on the side of his lip and Sunoo would laugh, reaching over to wipe it away with his thumb without a second thought. 

Both of them are getting closer and though a part of Niki yearns to tell Sunoo he wants him as more than just a friend, another part of him doesn’t want to risk what they have. Perhaps he should take his time, was his thought process. Really, there was no rush. 

Besides, why would Sunoo want to date a fourteen year old when he’s teetering on the edge of seventeen in just a short while? Not that Niki wouldn’t closely be following it up by turning fifteen a few months later. Still though, maybe Sunoo didn’t want to date someone so young.

Somehow the issue of them both being boys didn’t weigh nearly as heavily on Niki’s mind as the age thing, but even that was more like a distant fear, because he could feel it. He could feel the way Sunoo’s gaze lingered on him when he thought Niki wasn't looking. He could feel how their hands sought the other’s out, squeezing and playing with each other’s fingers without a second’s thought. It was natural. It was normal.

And it assured Niki that really, Sunoo probably had feelings for him too.

But he was still too scared to ask.

It was June 24th finally and that meant one thing. It was Sunoo’s birthday, their first birthday for either of them to celebrate together. In the back of Niki’s head, he knew it was possible it could be the only birthday, but he rid himself of those thoughts, telling himself it was the first of many and looked at the little box held in his hands. 

He’d stopped by a bakery near the hospital and picked up a couple of cupcakes. It wasn’t much, but that along with a card telling Sunoo just how much he meant to him would be his birthday present, and something told Niki that Sunoo would love that much more than any materialistic item that he could get him.

Niki quickly checked in and walked down the hall towards Sunoo’s shared room, careful to not drop the box. When he got to Sunoo’s door, he hesitated upon seeing him laughing and smiling with an older female who looked so similar to Sunoo that it only took Niki a moment to realize that it must be his older sister. 

He felt a cold sweat breakout across his body. It wasn’t that he thought his sister was going to be mean or anything (if she was from the same genetics as Sunoo, how _could_ she be?), but this was still his sister. Someone so incredibly important in his life. And this was the boy Niki was falling for. It was sort of a big deal to meet your boyfriend’s family for the very first time.

Not… that Sunoo was his boyfriend or anything. But hopefully in the future, he would be.

“Niki!” Sunoo beamed, waving him. There was no going back now. Niki took in a deep breath and smiled, walking over to his bed that Sunoo and his sister sat upon. “Niki, you’ve actually managed to be here at the same time as my sister--I can’t believe you haven’t run into each other. Niki, this is my sister Miyoung. Miyoung, this is Niki, my friend I was telling you about.”

Miyoung smiled and it was so similar to Sunoo’s smile that Niki was actually taken aback. How could two people on this planet have that smile? It didn’t seem fair. “It’s nice to meet you, Niki. Sunoo has been telling me so much about you the last few months that I feel like I already know you. I feel sad we haven’t gotten to meet until now.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Niki greeted, bowing his head, his voice quiet in his shyness at meeting not only a new person, but Sunoo’s sister.

“Is that my present?” Sunoo asked, pointing at the box in Niki’s hand.

“Oh, sort of.” Niki handed it over and Sunoo opened it, gasping when he saw the two cupcakes, decorated to look like a yellow flower was blooming from the both of them. “I only got two…”

“It’s okay.” Miyoung assured. “I won’t be staying much longer. I just wanted to stop by and give Sunoo his present. Since it’s a weekday, unfortunately we couldn’t really do all that much, but we have plans with Sunoo for the weekend.”

“Mom and dad already left.” Sunoo stated, picking up one of the cupcakes to look at it even closer before dipping his finger into the frosting and sticking it into his mouth.

“Hey--” Niki laughed. “I got candles for you to blow out later. Uh, well, I’m not sure if we’re allowed to light them…” He glanced at Miyoung who winked and mimed zipping her lips.

“I won’t tell if you won’t tell.” Niki smiled. He liked her.

“Sorryyyy…” Sunoo whined, setting the cupcake back into the box and closing it up before jumping up and wrapping his arms around Niki in a hug. “I’m so glad that you could come today, Niki.” Sunoo murmured against his ear, quietly enough that Niki wasn’t sure that his sister could hear.

And then he pulled back before Niki could even gather himself to hug back. It was quicker than their usual hugs, but he supposed it was because of his sister being there. Not that she appeared to mind.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve seen Sunoo this happy in years.” Miyoung told them and Sunoo whined again, his voice lowering.

“Sis… you have to tell him that?” 

“Well why not? He deserves to know that he makes you happy doesn’t he?” 

Niki looked over at Sunoo whose cheeks were turning a bright pink, a cute little pout on his lips before he huffed and plopped back down onto his bed. Niki could barely keep the grin off his face, incredibly pleased to hear this.

“Sunoo has become one of my best friends and really… one of my only friends here in Korea. I was nervous to be here, especially since my Korean isn’t that good.” Niki told the both of them.

“Your Korean is fine.” Miyoung assures and then she stands, pressing her hand against her little brother’s head. “I should get going, but I’ll see you this weekend, okay Sunoo? And I’ll let you tell your friend the good news.”

Good news? Niki looked at the two of them questioningly but Sunoo merely smiled up at Miyoung, giving a firm nod. Miyoung dropped a kiss to Sunoo’s head, waved goodbye to Niki, and then left. 

“Well,” Sunoo took in a breath and picked up the box of cupcakes as he stood. “If we’re going to light candles without getting in trouble, we should bring these to our spot.” 

‘Our spot’. Niki sure did love the sound of that.

“I’ll carry them.” Niki stated, gently taking the box from Sunoo who smiled and complimented him on his gentlemanly ways before leading the two of them out into the garden and to their beautiful spot beneath the Weeping Willow tree. 

Niki set the box on the ground between the two of them, who were facing each other as they sat cross-legged on the ground. Thankfully, as they were beneath the tree, the wind was minimal. Niki glanced around before pulling from his bag two single candles, sticking one in each of the cupcakes, and then a lighter. He lit the candles and then looked up at Sunoo, smiling softly at the birthday boy. “Make your wishes.”

Sunoo seemed to be deep in thought for a moment and then met Niki’s eyes. “I think I already have what I want.”

Something about the statement caused Niki’s heart to flip and then Sunoo leaned forward and gently blew out the candles. 

“Uh… I also got you something else.” Niki says after the both of them have eaten about half of their cupcakes. Sunoo looks up at him curiously, a bit of yellow frosting at the side of his mouth that pained Niki to not lean forward to remove it for him. 

He turned, reaching into his bag and he pulled a card that was once completely blank. On the front of it, he had written ‘Happy birthday to my bright Sunoo’ and drawn a little stick figure drawing of the two of them holding hands. It almost felt childish, but he knew Sunoo would appreciate it.

“It’s so cute.” Sunoo smiled as he spent a good whole minute just looking at the cover’s drawing before he slowly opened it up and began to read. Niki’s heart pounded as he watched Sunoo’s face for his reaction, reciting his letter to Sunoo in his head as he watched the older boy read.

To Sunoo,

I’ve made about three different variations of the same letter, but I think I’ve finally gotten it right. I had to practice on another sheet of paper because I was scared that I would mess up on the actual card. But I think I finally have it.

All I’ve ever wanted is to perform. At home in Japan, I grew up watching idols, both Japanese and Korean, and I knew I wanted to be a part of that. As I got older, something about the K-Pop industry called to me, and I knew that’s where I matched. But if I’m entirely honest, as badly as I wanted to come here, it also scared the hell out of me.

Sure I have my aunt, my uncle, and even a little cousin, but I had nobody else. No friends, no one I knew, a foreigner in a foreign country trying to enter their entertainment industry. It’s absolutely terrifying. And then one day, I came to a hospital, a thing I hate, to visit my little cousin and I meet this boy who was so bright and happy and had such a positive outlook on life, even though his situation isn’t good and I wondered how could he still have so much hope in the world when his life is like this?

But knowing you and being around you and seeing how you view the world and life has given me hope for my own life. It’s made me, more than ever, want to live my dreams, because we never know how long we’re going to have, and you remind me of that. And though neither of us know how long we have together, I want to spend forever by your side, because I care about you and I really…

Don’t want to lose you.

If I have anything to say about it, this is going to be the first of many birthdays we get to have together. I won’t ever leave you, I promise you that. And I hope you promise me that you won’t ever leave me either.

Happy birthday, Sunoo. 

From your Niki

“Sunoo…” He questioned softly as Sunoo sat across from him, his hands shaking as he held the card. “Are you ok--” 

Before he could finish the sentence, arms were wrapped tightly around his neck and he could smell the sweet scent of honey surrounding him. He lifted his arms and linked them around Sunoo’s waist, holding him as closely as he possibly could. “You liked it?” He asked, his voice quiet.

“I loved it.” Sunoo murmured back, burrowing his head into the crook of Niki’s neck and Niki wished they could truly stay like this forever. “I’m going to keep this card forever. It’s going to be one of my most cherished possessions Niki.”

Niki wanted to tell him that Sunoo was one of Niki’s most cherished possessions. 

“I’m glad you loved it.” He replied softly, his fingers stroking through the back of his hair and then Sunoo pulled back, their faces only inches apart. Niki’s breath hitched as his eyes naturally seemed to look down at Sunoo’s lips, pink and parted and Niki really wanted to kiss him.

Sunoo’s eyes flickered over his face and Niki noted the pink tinge that his cheeks took on. He wondered if it would be too much to run a finger down over the heated skin, but before he could figure out the answer to his own question, Sunoo pulled away and sat back on his legs.

“And as far as birthdays go… there’s a good chance we really are going to have many more together, Niki.” Sunoo told him, a small smile forming on his face, but Niki was confused as to what he meant. The confusion must’ve shown on his face, because Sunoo continued quickly. “That was the news my sister was talking about. I’m finally next in line for a transplant. It’s scheduled for two weeks from now.”

\--

Niki pressed closer to Sunoo as the two of them curled up on the older boy’s bed. The curtain was pulled shut around them, darkening their little area just enough so that they could pretend they were in a real room with a real door, the lights off and blinds shut. Both of them had the blankets pulled up over their lap, their legs lightly intertwined as Niki read from Sunoo’s choice of book that lay against his lap.

Sunoo rested his head on Niki’s shoulder, breathing so softly that Niki almost thought he had fallen asleep, but when he glanced down, he saw that Sunoo’s eyes were open, staring off into the distance. Niki shifted and pulled the other a little bit closer, trying to offer as much comfort as he possibly could.

It was a quiet day, the two of them opting to stay within Sunoo’s bed at the boy’s behest. Soon, Niki would have to leave and he’d spend the next day worrying over Sunoo as he went into surgery, praying to some being that Niki wasn’t even sure existed in hopes that he came out healthier than ever.

He could feel and see the anxiousness over it all throughout the way Sunoo behaved today. Clearly, the other boy was trying to pretend that he was cool, calm, and collected, but Niki could see through it, passed the mask that Sunoo had brought up and saw how Sunoo really felt, even though Sunoo wasn’t saying it.

After a moment of observing Sunoo, his reading having paused, Niki closed the book and waited to see if Sunoo had noticed. But it didn’t appear that he had, Sunoo instead just continuing to stare off into the distance, his mind clearly preoccupied with something. Niki could guess what.

“Sunoo,” Niki began lightly, not wanting to startle him. “Do you want to talk about whatever you’re thinking?” He asked, his fingers brushing through the back of his hair.

At first, Niki assumed Sunoo didn’t hear him but then the other let out a soft sigh, shifting so that he could sit up and look at Niki more easily than he could with his head on the other’s shoulder. “I’m okay.” He assured, but Niki wasn’t convinced. “I have a lot on my mind.”

“It’s a lot to deal with.” Niki agreed and Sunoo looked down at his hands in his lap, leaning back against the wall. “But there’s more you’re thinking, right?”

Sunoo stayed silent for a moment. “When I was little, I used to imagine how my life would turn out. I told you I wanted to be on tv right? An idol too, probably.” Niki gives a small nod and lets him continue. “I loved being the center of attention. I wanted people everywhere to see me and to like me. And then I started having issues. Heart issues, other health issues. I spent more and more time in the hospital and I got so much attention that I hated it. People wouldn’t leave me alone and as a kid I didn’t really understand why. It was dangerous to leave me alone.”

“I guess when you’re surrounded by people all the time, even if you usually don’t like being alone, it can be too much.” Niki nodded slowly, taking in Sunoo’s words. “Sometimes people just need to have time to themselves.”

“Exactly.” Sunoo smiled. “But even then, all the attention I got always focused on me being sick. Doctors and tests and medical examinations… I couldn’t take part in school activities or trips with friends because they were afraid I would suddenly collapse or something. Eventually, they were right and my parents had to start working more to afford all the medical bills, and the eventual transplant I would need.

“I can’t begin to explain to you how long I’ve been waiting for this Niki. For the chance to be able to be out in the world without the fear my heart will suddenly give out.” Sunoo pressed his hand over his chest, fisting his shirt directly over his heart. When I heard it was finally time, I was so excited. Everyone was so excited for me, to have me back…” Sunoo’s voice trailed off to silence.

“But…?” Niki gently prodded, his hand resting on his friend’s shoulder.

“I’m so scared.” Came his whisper, so quiet that Niki had to strain his ears to hear it. He could feel Sunoo begin to tremble beneath his touch and then the other boy brought up his legs, wrapping his arms around him and staring at the blanket that covered them. “So much can go wrong, Niki. During surgery, afterwards… my body can reject the heart, I could bleed out during surgery, I could get an infection. If my body doesn’t reject the heart then I have to take pills for the rest of my life to trick my body into thinking that heart belongs there, that it’s not some foreign object it needs to attack to get rid of.”

Niki swallowed tightly as he listened. Truthfully, he didn’t know much about heart issues or heart transplants. Hearing it from Sunoo scared the shit out of him, however, trying to imagine if he was in his place. To know that the surgery that could save your life always carried a risk of death? Or to know that even if the surgery was a success, it didn’t mean the heart, the most vital part of the human body, would be accepted to continue helping you live?

He didn’t know how Sunoo handled all this, how he was still sane and strong as he was. If it were him… he thinks he might break. 

“You’re going to be okay.” He tried to assure, his hand rubbing circles against Sunoo’s back who only closed his eyes tightly, but Niki still saw the small tears clinging to his lashes. “Sunoo?”

“I’m scared Niki.” Sunoo breathed out, hugging his legs even tighter. “I’m scared the surgery will fail or the heart won’t take and I’m--I’m scared of dying. I don’t want to d-die…” he broke down, his shoulders trembling and Niki quickly pulled him to his chest, his fingers trying to stroke some comfort as they pet at his hair.

“You won’t.” Niki told him firmly, because it didn’t matter if he didn’t believe it himself, but he needed Sunoo to believe it. “The surgery will go great, the heart will take, and you’re going to come out of it stronger than ever and able to actually live your life, okay? You need to trust that.”

Niki could feel the sting in the back of his throat, but he pushed it back, knowing he needed to be strong right now, knowing that Sunoo needed to see how sure he was of this. To see Niki breaking down, to admit that he was also scared that Sunoo wouldn’t wake up, that he’d never see him again, would be bad for his friend, the boy he was falling in love with.

“I need you to believe it, Sunoo.” Niki told him and Sunoo looked up, cheeks wet and eyes slightly red from the crying. His cheeks were wet and Niki lifted a hand, brushing his fingers against his skin to dry him from the tears. “I have a favor to ask you, but it’s only something you can do when you come out of that surgery alive and well.”

Sunoo sniffed, rubbing his own hands across his face. “What is it?”

Niki took in a deep breath, hearing the pounding of his heart in his ears and then he leaned in, capturing Sunoo’s lips with his. 

The two of them were still, Sunoo he assumed in shock and Niki because he wasn’t entirely sure what to do and also because Sunoo wasn’t moving. But Sunoo’s lips were soft and tasted of the chocolate bar that Niki had brought him and they had shared.

After a moment, Niki pulled back, his own cheeks warm and he was sure they looked as Sunoo’s did--bright pink and flushed with heat. 

Sunoo’s eyes were wide, his lips just slightly open and because of their closeness, Niki could still feel his breath fanning against his face. He twirled his hair around his fingers and then swiped his tongue across his own lips, still tasting the chocolate.

“I need you to come out of that surgery. Alive, well, and healthier than you’ve ever been so that I can…” He takes in a breath and presses his forehead to Sunoo’s, watching as Sunoo goes nearly cross-eyed to meet his gaze. It was cute and Niki wanted to laugh, but his stomach was doing somersaults and his heart was beating like crazy out of his nervousness. “So that I can ask you if you’d like to be my boyfriend.”

**Epilogue**

Sunoo was six when he decided he wanted to be on television. 

He watched the idols and performers singing on stage and he thought ‘how amazing to have all those people cheering for you’. It was as if a bright light surrounded those people. They were special beings, unlike anything else he had seen. So he pointed at the tv as his parents sat on the couch, his sister scribbling away at her homework, and declared that he was going to be like them one day.

Sunoo was seven the first time he got to stand on stage. 

He wasn’t that good. But he had worked hard for their classroom performance and he gave it his all and when the audience clapped at the end of their play, Sunoo finishing off the final number, center stage, he beamed, his eyes sparkling brightly and knowing for sure that he couldn’t wait to spend his life doing exactly this.

Sunoo was eight when he was admitted to the hospital for a week.

During a physical education course during one hot day near the end of summer, Sunoo had been feeling dizzy. He told the teacher but the teacher thought he was faking. Ten minutes later he collapsed on the grass, his skin paler than usual and a slight blue tinge around his lips.

He was rushed to the hospital and at first they thought he might be anemic, but then they realized there was something far more serious at play.

Sunoo was nine when he was diagnosed with his heart defect. 

His family was devastated. It was around Christmas time and Sunoo barely even knew what the words doctors were telling him meant. He just knew that something was wrong with his heart, but if someone had asked Sunoo, he could’ve told them that his heart had always been this way.

Didn’t everyone feel strange skips? Slow and then quick and then a loss of breath? Sunoo had been dealing with it for so long, that he had thought it was normal, nothing unusual. 

It made sense that something was wrong.

They would have to put him on medication to regulate his defects, to make sure that it didn’t get worse. But that was okay, because heart defects in children usually aren’t as serious as one would think. Usually, the medicine was enough.

Sunoo was twelve and the medicine was no longer enough. 

They said they would continue with the medicine, because they really had no other choice, but eventually Sunoo would likely need a transplant. It would cost money. A lot of money, more than his family had or could easily make, but they would try.

Sunoo wondered if perhaps it wasn’t better if they just stopped. He didn’t like seeing his family suffer this way over him. It wasn’t fair. He tried as hard as he could to be bright and smiley and happy, and it seemed to help. They seemed to enjoy it and be thankful for it but when Sunoo closed the door to his bedroom and slid down against it, he started crying.

He was scared. He was scared of dying, but he was also scared of living. 

Sunoo was fourteen the first time a friend decided that he couldn’t the ups and downs of Sunoo’s health and what being his friend meant having to deal with. Sunoo couldn’t exactly blame him, seeing as if he didn’t have to deal with it, he probably wouldn’t want to either. 

He just gave a small, sad smile each time a friend slowly began to distance themself. It was something he would have to get used to, and then Sunoo started doing it on his own, distancing himself. He pulled away, determined to be on his own, because who really knew how long he would live? Why get attached to people? Why form connections and care about people? 

It always just ended up hurting. 

Sunoo was sixteen when his health took a turn for the worst and he was hospitalized, permanently. 

The children’s ward was exactly that. For children. Still, Sunoo looked at it with bright eyes and smiled at the kids who came up to him, unabashedly asking what was wrong with him. Many of them had cancers or tumors and were connected to IVs that seemed to never leave their wrists. Sunoo tried not to let the sadness of his surroundings affect him, but that was easier said than done.

Something about seeing a six year old collapse on the floor and hit their head, only to be rushed away by the nurses in order to try and fix them… and then for them to never return was just something that Sunoo didn’t think he could ever get used to.

He was also sixteen when all of his friends finally gave up and stopped visiting him. Sunoo tried not to think about it, tried not to let the loneliness envelop him. It was okay. He had his parents and his sister and the Weeping Willow outside that offered a firm, lasting friendship unlike anything else.

To sit beneath the tree and stare out beneath the waving branches was almost as if being on the opposite end of a veil to an alternate reality. Sunoo could look out and imagine the world was a different place, imagine that his life would have a different outcome.

But he was starting to accept the fact that he wouldn’t get to live. In fact, he was starting to give up completely. Why fight what destiny had already been foretold for him?

Sunoo was sixteen when a Japanese boy walked into the children’s ward playroom and right into his life. 

It wasn’t rare to get teenagers around his age in the ward. There were a few who were permanent residents like himself, and then siblings were always coming by, but something about seeing Niki sitting in that little chair in a corner, looking uncomfortable to even be there had Sunoo intrigued. So he introduced himself.

He hadn’t expected to make a new friend, let alone one who seemed to care about him as deeply as Niki professed to. But their days were spent together, just talking and laughing and getting to know one another that soon Sunoo felt that maybe there was still some hope left. Maybe he would like to continue living after all. 

Every time they held hands, Sunoo wondered if the way his heart skipped was because of his defect or just because the way Niki looked at him made him feel warm and fuzzy. It’s not like he was an idiot. Sunoo knew what the butterflies that erupted in his stomach probably meant, he also knew that he was probably getting ahead of himself, enamored with the fact someone actually wanted to be his friend, and didn’t seem to be bothered by his health condition.

At least until Niki stopped showing up. 

When Sunoo woke up after his attack and Niki wasn’t there, he didn’t exactly worry. He knew Niki couldn’t stay for so long, and his parents and sister were by his side to check on him so it was okay. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t expect Niki to come by the next day, and when he didn’t, he could feel his heart sinking just a bit into his chest.

And it sank a little more each day that Niki didn’t come by.

At first it hurt. It hurt immensely because Niki had said he’d never abandon him like Sunoo’s other friends had abandoned him and he had believed him. But then he was pissed, because Niki had really made Sunoo believe better of him. He could feel the fire bubbling in his stomach at the thought of Niki and his betrayal and when Niki showed up again, Sunoo wanted nothing more than to hit him.

Instead he turned and ran and cried and broke down because at the end of the day, he wasn’t really mad at Niki. He was just hurt. 

But Niki promised to never leave him ever again and, somehow, Sunoo believed him.

And then he got the news he was finally in line for a transplant and what he had once thought was going to be one of the best days of his life, turned into two weeks of hiding his terror because he knew that so much could go wrong. He was old enough to be spared the sunshine and rainbows overview, at least that’s what he told his doctor, and though the statistics were good and were getting better all the time, in the back of his mind he still thought about those few that didn’t make it.

Those few that died on the table, those few whose bodies rejected their transplant, attacking the foreign organs until they ended up dead anyway. It was a risk, just as was anything, but he knew he had no choice but to go through with it, because even the slight possibility that he could be better and live a full life with Niki by his side as his friend was more than enough. 

It helped even more how Niki brushed the tears clinging to his cheeks away, how he pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Sunoo had been shocked, his ill heart beating rapidly in a pleasant nervousness. 

His lips trembled as he stared at Niki, vaguely hearing his comment that he wanted to ask Sunoo to be his boyfriend after he came out of the surgery _alive_. Sunoo wasn’t dumb; there’d been times he could feel that Niki might have feelings back for him, but he had opted to try and ignore them, knowing that something like that, just probably wasn’t possible for the two of them, for a multitude of reasons.

Sunoo forgot all those reasons the moment Niki kissed him, however. And he agreed to Niki asking once he came out of the surgery, alive.

Sunoo was seventeen when he went under for a heart transplant. He was also seventeen when he came out of it.

His vision was blurry as he opened his eyes, nothing more in his sight than blobs of color moving in front of his vision. Sound sounded distant, whether voices or the beeping of the machine that he seemed to be connected to.

“Sunoo, you’re awake.” Said a voice. Sunoo turned his head towards it, feeling as if he was in some sort of bubble. His eyes were heavy and his mouth was dry. He opened his mouth to say this and before he knew it, a straw was pressed to his lips and he was drinking.

He wonders if he said anything because his mouth moved again, but the words didn’t register in his mind, and soon enough he was asleep once more.

The next time he awoke, he actually managed to stay awake, his parents thrilled and relieved, his sister beaming at his other side. It was late, or early, depending on how you looked at the time. Sunoo was happy himself, relieved that he had made it, but as he looked around and didn’t see Niki, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit sad.

Until some hours later, when he woke up for the third time, Niki was sitting beside his side, a school book in his lap, quietly working at his homework. Sunoo watched him, not letting on that he was awake until Niki looked up, jumping from surprise to see his eyes open.

Sunoo couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped his lips. “Surprise you, did I?” His voice was still somewhat hoarse from his sleep and lack of speaking from the last couple of days, but he got the words out just fine.

Niki quickly shut the book on his lap and set it on the ground, reaching forward to grasp Sunoo’s hand and squeeze it tightly. The tingles started from his fingertips and worked through his body from there.

“I’m glad to see you awake.” Niki told him softly, his voice quiet. Sunoo presumed so that nobody else in the hospital room could hear what they were saying. “I was hoping to be here when you woke up next. I didn’t want you to think…” He trailed off.

“Don’t worry.” Sunoo told him with a smile. “I didn’t think that.”

The younger boy let out a breath, pulling Sunoo’s hand onto his lap to play with his fingers. “Uh…” Niki cleared his throat, glancing over at him. Sunoo tried not to laugh as he watched the blush start to creep up his neck and cheeks. “So, about… before your surgery.”

“Before my surgery?” Sunoo questioned, playing innocent, taking amusement in embarrassing Niki as much as he could.

“Yeah. About that. About what I said… and did… you know the uhm--” Niki rubbed at the back of his neck. “The kiss?”

Butterflies fluttered anew deep within Sunoo’s stomach at the mention of it. “Right. The kiss.” He licked over his lips nervously and then said, “You meant that right? What you said?” 

“That I want you to come out of this surgery so that I could…” Niki takes in a deep breath and steadies himself, his voice filling with confidence when he spoke next. “So that I could ask you to be my boyfriend?”

Sunoo’s new heart skipped so much so that he was worried it would show up on the monitor, but it didn’t. He intertwined his fingers with Niki’s, a sort of euphoric happiness overtaking him and all he could do is let out a laugh, because he almost couldn’t believe it.

“Yes,” he breathed out. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
